When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
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There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
Monday, January 28, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Cop Joke
A Cop pulled a car over for speeding.
When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.
The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Cop that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Cop told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Cop got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunk got out, watched the performance briefly, went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Cop observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my butt to jail, cause there's NO way I’ll pass that test."
When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.
The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Cop that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Cop told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Cop got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunk got out, watched the performance briefly, went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Cop observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my butt to jail, cause there's NO way I’ll pass that test."
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